trapped
tossed into a time of turmoil
expectations of me
by others
insecurity of me
to fulfil
knot-twisting stomach anxiety
i don't want to be here
panic at the familiarity
reliving a bad memory
is rarely good
hand through hair
i wrestle with my inner angst
i don't want to be in this class
i can't possibly handle the physical demands
excruciating embarrassment
at a handicap i don't understand
so how can others
my steps lead no where
whereas the others
walk straight and tall
knowing the correct direction
knowing the way out
finally the nerve rises up
bile tasting
frightened at my audacity
i still speak
for
if i don't stand up for me
who will
let me out
i say
i don't belong here
miraculously
the door opens
steps emerge
i slip slide down them
into a safe zone
my eyes open
2 am
reality
tangled in covers
but
safe
dreaming no more
part of one shot wednesday
Very interesting post. I like it a lot!
ReplyDeletewhew that was some dream...lots of inner feelings wrapped up in this one...
ReplyDeleteThe line between dream and nightmare is determined by how much you sweat on the way back to reality. This poem is so real and the burdens and demands of everyday life sometimes draw us into that overwhelming place until finally we scream:
ReplyDeletelet me out
i say
i don't belong here
Well done, I like this a whole bunch (that is more than just a lot...)
Great job Beth. I felt myself carried into that sense of panic. I was relieved when you woke up!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I clicked on your name on OneShot because I so like what you've written here. This is excellent!
ReplyDeleteOh My---what a dream.... Do you think some of this may be true, while you think your work????? I know that your job can be rough.. I also know that if you help ONE child, it will all be worth it...
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Betsy
I was worried. That was some bad dream... hoping reality is much nicer...
ReplyDeleteOkay ... breathing again! Well written, Beth. And may your sleep be sweet from now on.
ReplyDeletei had some stupid dream last night about big mice.
ReplyDeletegood one shot.
Intriguing piece... takes ones breath away... wondering if the way out will strike.
ReplyDeleteI sure understand the "sleep" thing. Very, very active nights... last night Dave was arrested and dragged to court in handcuffs and I was standing outside the corridor somehow watching what was going on and realizing his charges were a lie... but not knowing what was going to happen for sure and then the judge agreed and freed him... and then I woke up. A little stress, doncha think? Makes me wonder what that was all about. [I haven't had the guts today to tell Dave about that dream; he just knows I had an "active" night.]
ReplyDeleteSolid, chatty work.
ReplyDelete