Bmeandering

Bmeandering

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Monday's Prayer



Monday's Prayer
from Prayers for Emotional Wholeness by Stormie Omartian

Lord,
I feel as if my faith is tested every day. 
Help me to pass those tests so that my faith will be strengthened  and shine as pure gold.
Help my faith to remain strong, steadfast, and unwavering
so that my actions will glorify You in the sight of others.
I pray that every trial I go through will make my trust in You and Your Word
grow stronger and stronger.
Amen.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be,
you have been grieved by various trials,
that the genuineness of your faith,
being much more precious than gold that perishes,
thought it is tested by fire,
my be found to praise, honor, and glory
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
I Peter 1:6-7

Blessings to you as you begin this new week!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The long week and end of the week Psalm



 i started the week with a good weekend behind me:
a walk around the town lake/reservoir on saturday
and on sunday
a gymnastics meet in the near-by town
 my son and his family call home

my husband and I were part of a group of 18 people
who came together as a quite diverse extended family
to see my son's daughter peyton
perform with the local YMCA gymnastics team
of which she is in level 4
at age 7.

4 other teams were performing
and parents were there representing each child
but the local team always has the most support
because of the traveling required

well, peyton blew them away with the largest contingent of supporters
she was THRILLED!
she kept looking up and noting when more came
waving and smiling widely

(the following pictures are for family reading this)


 


(we weren't allowed to use our flash on our camera--some pics just didn't show up well at all--
 and we were up high in the bleachers)

we sat behind my ex and his wife and looked at their phone pics
of the shared granddaughter in texas
they had been there taking care of her older brother

my ex and i spoke as parents of the same child
proud and happy
at how life had finally turned up for our daughter

all in all---great

then the school week began:
evaluation by principal
i was nervous for some reason
stuffing too much into the time frame
rushing moments that should have been savored
i sensed something was about to explode
and it did

the week went sour
i felt like i was walking on thin ice
and the shore was distant and unfriendly
when shore was reached
the terrain was wild and tangled up
the lake dark and menacing behind me 
 at one point i saw a glimmer of light
a brilliant blue beckoning me
but i couldn't reach it


when i finally found a path
i was alone
and weary
questioning 'my calling'
not knowing what lie ahead for me
and
wishing i didn't have to find out
on that particular path

you see:
i made the 'mistake' of requesting
that a student choose another word to express her anger
than Jesus

turned out she and her family are staunch agnostics
and she became belligerent
stating separation of church and state

forget the fact
that the Christian students (the majority here) were offended
it was her right that mattered

i subsequently moved her one seat up---right in front of me
 for mumbling under her breath
a habit of hers
of which i had been told usually involved calling me names like bitch

i told her that if she were going to mumble words
she needed to be where she would actually be saying them to my face

she went home angry
mother went ballistic
and i was taken on a short trip to hell

i'm back
(and my evaluation was good)

the week ended with a birthday party
again the diverse extended family gathered
to mark colton (peyton's older brother) turning 12
the pizza and cake party was at 6 on a friday night

i left  the party in a good mood
happy that i was leaving with mike
happy that i was a teacher
(despite the week)
thankful for us all being able to get together
in unity
to celebrate the next generation
of this mixed family


Here's the End of the Week Psalm
It is more of Psalm78 (the Isrealites' journey to the promised land)
 For more on the 'manna' in the first part of this Psalm, check out Cheryl Smith's God's testimony
and Glynn Young's The Bread and the Body.

35) And they [earnestly] remembered that God was their Rock,
ans the Most High God their Redeemer.
36)Nevertheless they flattered Him with their mouths
 and lied to Him with their tongues.
37)For their hearts were not right or sincere with Him,
neither were they faithful and steadfast to His covenant.
38) But He, full of [merciful] compassion,
forgave their iniquity and destroyed them not;
yes, many a time He turned His anger away
and did not stir up all His wrath and indignation.
39) For He [earnestly] remembered that they were but flesh, a wind that goes and does not return.

(The next verses: 42 - 51 tell of all that God did to Pharaoh and the Egyptians
in order to free His chosen people).
then:
52) But [God] led His own people forth like sheep
and guided them [with a shepherd's care] like a flock in the wilderness
53)And He lead them on safely and in confident trust,
so that they feared not;
but the sea overwhelmed  their enemies.
54) And He brought them to His holy border,
the border of [Canaan] His sanctuary,
even to this mountain [Zion] which His right hand had acquired.
55) He drove out the nations also before [Israel]
and allotted their land as a heritage,
measured out and partitioned;
and He made the tribes of Israel to dwell in the tents of those dispossessed.

(The next verses: 55 -67 tell of the Israelites disobedience and God's subsequent wrath).
then:
68) But He chose the tribe of Judah [as Israel's leader], Mount Zion,
which He loved [to replace Shiloh as His capital].
69) And He built His sanctuary [exalted] like the heights [of the heavens] 
and like the earth which He established forever.
70)He chose David His servant and took him from the sheepfolds; 
71) From tending the ewes that had their young
He brought him to be the shepherd of Jacob His people,
of Israel His inheritance.
72) So [David] was their shepherd with an upright heart;
he guided them by the discernment and skillfulness
[which controlled] his hands.


Whew! Long Psalm! Long Post!

Blessings to you this weekend!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

shredded

 


shredded
pieces dropping
others dangling

head drooping
eyelids heavy
mouth curved downwards
lines tight around its edges

forlorn
chastised
steps falter

"just let me go home!"
she pleads.
she knows that
once there
her body can crawl
to comforting bed

she can slip beneath
the protection of a grandma's quilt

and hopefully
find the relief
of dreamless sleep

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart,
and my portion for ever."    Psalm 73:26

part of imperfect prose on thursdays

Monday, February 21, 2011

i went exploring

 i went exploring saturday
                only a precious friendship
                          could get me to budge from comfy house
                                          it was her b'day and i wanted to buy a special token

on the way out the door
                 i grabbed my camera

                            wind whispered, "i'm bringing chill"
                                      undaunted i protected ears with muffs
                                               and donned those special gloves
                                                        susan showed me--
                                                                   the ones with the fingertips
                                                                       peaking through--quite helpful!

after discovering the 'perfect' gift
          with some creative touches
                      (of mine and the store owner's)
                                 i was pleased with the result

card and gift in hand
          i piled back in my suv
                     and pointed it towards the city park

i meandered down the dirt and gravel lane
                      to our park's lake/town reservoir


 i was seeking
         an 'in-between seasons' photo op

                  the deep snow header for blog was irrelevant
                           but all brown/grey/tired ground and bushes?
                                    nah!



a ha!
    some ice lingering
         touches of brown
               and hints of green
                      my in-between photo moment

 and to complete the picture---
      a bench---wa lah!
           
i came home rosy cheeked
       refreshed
             gratified i'd explored

i delivered the gift next door
       and then dutifully 'hit' the lesson plans

a successful saturday in my world

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Pictures from Texas and the Monday Prayer

 Sara Elizabeth with new daughter Abigail Elizabeth
My first-born with her second-born


 Abigail who is being called Abby
in her car seat on the way home
from the hospital



Then the 'granddaddy of all heart tuggers':
big brother Aaron (who will turn 2 March 11th)
with his baby sister, Abby
I know I'm the grandmother, but even if I weren't
I'd be saying "Ahhhhh! and How precious!"


If you want to see more, go to big brother and me

Busy weekend but a good one.

Tomorrow I get my yearly evaluation by the principal.
Please lift me up in prayer.

I chose my largest class, but they are the most fun
and they discuss well--sometimes too well
but it's never dull!

I'm showing the part in Remember the Titans
where the African-American coach takes the team that's racially divided
to the cemetery at Gettysburg.

Then we are reading Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address."
We will discuss both the part in the movie and the speech.
We are in the anti-slavery part of Unit 3 in the junior American lit book.


Here's the Monday prayer again from one of Stormy Omartian's books

Thank You, Lord, that I don't have to run away from trouble
and hide in fear.
I can instead come to You and ask You to go before me
and fight for me against all opposition.
I ask You to do that today.
Save me from the things I fear will harm me.
Thank You that You are my rear guard
and You have always got my back.
help me to trust in You
and not in my own strength when I am in trouble.
Amen.

You shall not go out with haste, nor go by flight;
for the LORD will go before you,
and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.
Isaiah 52:12

Saturday, February 19, 2011

End of the Week Psalm with Personal Commentary




End of Week Psalm

Verses are taken from Psalm 78

1) GIVE EARS, O my people to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth.
2) I will open my mouth in a parable . . .
3) Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us.
4) We will not hide them from their children,
but we will tell to the generation to come the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
and His might, and the wonderful works that He has performed.
5) For He established a testimony (an express precept) in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
commanding our fathers that they should make
[the great facts of God's dealing with Israel]
known to their children,
6) That the generation to come might know them,
that the children still to be born might arise
and recount them to their children,
7) That they might set their hope in God and not forget the works of God,
but might keep His commandments.
12) Marvelous things did He in the sight of their fathers in the land of Egypt,
in the field of Zoan [where Pharaoh resided].
13) He divided the [Red] Sea and caused them to pass through it,
and He made the waters stand like a heap.[Exodus 14:22]
14) In the daytime also He led them with a [pillar of] cloud
and all the night with a light of fire.[Exodus 13:21; 14:24]
15) He split rocks in the wilderness and gave them drink abundantly as out of the deep.
16) He brought streams also out of the rock and caused waters to run down like rivers.
[Exodus 17:6; Numbers 20:11]
19) . . . they said, Can God furnish [the food for ] a table in the wilderness?
20)  Behold, He did smite the rock so that waters gushed out
and the streams overflowed;
but can He give bread also?
Can He provide flesh for His people?

22) Because in God they believed not
[they relied not on Him, they adhered not to Him],
and they trusted not in His salvation (His power to save).

23) Yet He commanded the clouds above and opened the doors of heaven;
24) And He rained down upon them
manna to eat and gave them heaven's grain.[Exodus 16:14]
25) Everyone  ate the bread of the mighty (man ate agnels' food];
God sent them meat in abundance.

28) And He let [the birds] fall in the midst of their camp,
round about their tests.
29) So they ate and were well filled. . .

32) In spite of all this, they sinned still more, for they believed not in
 (relied not on and adhered not to Him for)
His wondrous works.
(excerpts from 72 verses)

I have stayed away from Psalms and the Old Testament
because much of it confuses me.
However, God put it upon my heart to study Psalms
and I am doing that--slowly but surely.

In the first part of this long Psalms,
I read about all the wonders God performed for the Israelites,
yet they rebelled and questioned Him.
My first reaction was: "He parted the Red Sea for them and they doubt Him?"

But then I pondered on my life---how many times God has come through for me,
yet when the next problem or crisis arises, I will fret and worry.

Why do we as humans do this?
He has proved Himself repeatedly.

But with me, worry still can consume me if I let it.
I am finding more and more that I must return to the scriptures
to be successful.
.
Yesterday I felt myself start to fall into anger
with the six-boys  who challenge all authority.
 I began to recite positivescripture in my head.
I  calmed down.

Like the Israelites, I need to quit questioning
and follow God's directions and something the Israelites didn't have: Jesus' example.



Hope your weekend is a restful or fun or productive one---
whichever you need.
Blessings!


Thursday, February 17, 2011

i didn't

 here's a little boy who reminds me of another
little boy who's now a grown-man

all those years ago as i tended to
their needs: a daughter and a son,
i never dreamed they'd give me
six grandchildren


 all those years ago when i sat down with a whoosh and a sigh while my husband
did bath duty
i didn't imagine that some day bath time would be my duty and that i would relish it
i didn't think that when i was in my mid-fifties, my bathroom would be cluttered with
bathtime paraphernalia


 i didn't think i'd sit on the toilet and laugh at a little boy with an upside down cup on his head
or that i'd buy a duck that covered the spigot and swallowed bubble bath only to spit it out

i didn't imagine the clutter that i'd allow to be scattered around the living room --not the least
bit bothered by it
or the mess on the dining room table
i didn't think i'd still be packing up miniature suitcases --only this time to send back home
that i'd be the grandma babysitting while mom and dad went on a trip
well---i kind of thought of it in that i hoped i'd be able to do what my mother did if i got the
opportunity



i also didn't think i'd still be having those times
when i age 10 years in one day
like i did tuesday as my first-born gave glorious birth
to her second-born

no when you're young and trying to be the best mom and best wife
and not fall apart
keep a clean, neat house
prepare healthy meals
and well --just survive

you don't think about being a grandmother

and then one day you are
and it's wonderful

i don't have a picture of the newest grandchild
to post
but my mind and heart and prayers
are with her and her big brother
and mommy and daddy
way down in texas
i'm sending my love
to them 


NEW NOTE: THEY'RE HOME--CHECK OUT THEIR BLOG
FOR LATEST PIC:ABBY

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

abigail elizabeth allen's arrival





a new bloom
opened her petals
to greet her audience
a princess already in our eyes

Abigail Elizabeth was born at 11:55 a.m. today
february 15, 2011
8 lbs. 2 oz.

all is well

grandma beth (me) learned how to text today
and to save pictures to my phone
I have four that I have been showing off
beaming all the while

check out my newest granddaughter and her big brother here





Monday, February 14, 2011

Upbeat day, flowers, and a granddaughter's soon-to-be-birth



much more upbeat today
God sent me three strays
they need an escape
from the high school drama
playing in the study hall
and even the library

happens they are bright and responsible
 have their work done
and
need to occupy their minds
so eagerly they grade papers for me
multiple choice
and one or two word answers
simple
unintrusive of other students' privacy

the one girl glow
as she talks
and i'm better for her presence

the other two banter with each other
and with me
i know the girl needs the safety of my room
but the boy?
he was sliding down hill at the beginning of the year
in over his head
dad ran interference
and his son's descent was halted

the boy has now gained ground
is doing much better academically
but he and his girlfriend broke up
so i guess my room is his refuge
for now

they're welcome as long as they want to be
meanwhile
i'm seeing light out of the pile of papers
a "whew!" and a "praise God!" simultaneously


the flowers are from my birthday bouquet from hubby
I highlighted some:




 tommorrow my daughter is scheduled to have her daughter delivered
by c-section
the joyous occassion is scheduled for 12:00 texas time
1:00 ohio time
unless she's bumped by someone else's emergency

please pray for sara, husband jory as they meet their daughter Abigail Elizabeth
and for the little 'big' brother waiting at home
you can see her at theallensbaby
she is 35 and my first born
i love her dearly
and i will be waiting for that phone call tomorrow

i will walk in faith
but i'm human
and i'll walk easier when i hear the good news


in closing
since today's valentine's day
i'll show you what my wonderful neighbor brought me
on my birthday




hope your day was happy
thank all  of you who reached out to me
blessings and love to you

Fear of Paperwork, Psalms, and the Monday Prayer

sometimes i feel like multiple branches of a tree
shooting this way and that
i try to stop and reach out to my God
but the hardest day to do that is sunday

i see a forest of lines dissecting my life
deadlines
responsibilities not yet met

lists only cause guilt
setting items out only clutter the table
and my mind even more

nothing guarantees they get done
until the final deadline looms
or i've missed it
and must scramble

i have a fear of  paperwork
a hang-up

my fibro fog plays into it
but i can trace back to when
the laid-back procrastination
became cold-chills panic

it was my daughter's accident
and the medical bills piled up

i was taking care of her needs
and running the household
yet the insurance tangle
was my problem also

finally our credit was threatened
which was silly
because we had the money

i went to my mother
three doors up
and burst into sobs

she took the piles
from my house
to hers

her dining room table was covered
for three days
she sorted, organized, threw out

i was then able to make calls
and write checks

i don't think my now-ex
ever forgave me
for that mess

i think i knew that somehow all that paperwork
was going to destroy my marriage
my marriage ended a year later

it took me years to forgive him
for burdening me with everything
but holding the hose
when i washed her  waist length hair on a table
in the heated garage
(she had a metal halo screwed into her head in four places
making normal tasks more difficult)

yes, holding that garden hose
and emptying the garbage pail of water
helped
but not enough


so now lesson plans loom--
principal will observe me this week

an order for 31 needs to be sent--
i'm supposedly a consultant
an order is needed to make it official

several cards are beyond ridiculously late
simply because i wouldn't send them without a letter
a package needs returned
just fill out paper
take to ups

bills have been paid--thankfully
but it was a scramble
again silly
for the money was waiting in the checking account

there's got to be a better way
and
it's time to end the fear


Note added later:The above is more about my frustration with my reluctance to do these
tasks on time.  Every task listed is doable and can be broken down into intervals
yet I don't.  It's easy for me to become overwhelmed and actually fearful.  That's not right.

I'm also not saying that the accident and the insurance pile is culprit.  I simply remember that particular
situation as the one that 'got out of hand'.  I am not blaming the accident or the ex.

More than anything I'm writing my thoughts and feelings and searching for an answer.
And before anyone suggests that I'm spending too much time on the Internet, I'm not. 
It's not that I'm sitting at the computer for hours surfing blogs, because I'm not.  I do limit my time.

Exhaustion, fibro fatigue, fibro fog, fibro depression deplete my body to the point
everything takes much longer for me.
I can just hear my one brother's thoughts right now about what I should do,
and I don't think I will ever be able to explain how it's just not that simple for me.

I'm trying to express that 'doing' isn't that simple for me,
and
that's frustrating.



meanwhile i still read psalms
and still offer up the monday prayer

The Psalms:
The Lord listens and heeds when I call to Him.
Psalm 4:3

The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer.
Psalm 6:9

Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths.
Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me,
for You are the God of my salvation;
for You do I wait all the day long.
Psalm 25:4, 5

The Monday prayer--"See What's Right with This Picture"

Lord, I lay my worries before You
and ask for Your mighty intervention
to show me what's right when I can only see what's wrong.
I am determined to see the good,
so help me not to be blinded by my own fears, doubts, wants,
and preconceived ideas.
I ask You to reveal to me Your truth in every situation.
Bless me with the ability to understand the bigger picture
and to distinguish the valuable from the unimportant.
When something seems to go wrong, help me not to jump to negative conclusions.
Enable me to recognize the answers to my own prayers.
I trust You to help me see the light in every situation.
Amen

From Stormie Omartian


Blessings to you all as you begin your week.




Thursday, February 10, 2011

He's not here



I walk to the back door
from unattached cement garage
rolling school case squealing while zig-zagging behind me
I reach for the knob and then remember:
he's not here

so I grab my keys, unlock  the door, and kick the warped, stubborn wood open
 I gingerly step through so as to not trip over two crying cats
he's not here

we look at each other
"It's just me tonight ---sorry--the big guy's working in Cinci."
I say as if they can understand

poor George--he misses him much more than Scruffy does
Scruffy is my buddy
George is Mike's
but Scruff isn't pleased about a long day in the dark, cold basement
which is what happens
when
he's not here

I lug my gear up the faded, scratched, creaking steps
the rolling case bums a ride on  the stair-seat (it came with the house)
once again I'm careful not to trip
while eager cats vie for first in the kitchen

the house is slumbering
he's not here

I stroll to the front door and unlock it with the ancient key
venture out on front porch for paper and mail

odd how quickly a person becomes accustomed to certain tasks being done
like the mail and newspaper waiting politely for me
nestled on my chair

but
not tonight
for
he's not here

supper alone
left-overs
I rest in recliner and nod off

eventually the routine kicks in
and I'm up preparing the coffee for the morning
packing my lunch
laying out my meds
putting my outfit together--
even jewelry
(I'm not a morning person),

tonight I hang everything on the back of the bedroom door
instead of the hallway closet
I won't have to worry about being quiet and not disturbing his sleep
in the morning
for
he's not here

missing the big guy
but am okay
for I know he'll be back in two days instead of two weeks
so no melancholy
just definitely aware
that
he's not here


Pictures showing life with the big guy:
George enjoying the attention
from the big guy



Scruff has this fixation with laundry baskets and boxes---she loves to roll around in them
Here she's having fun with the big guy.


I don't like to peel eggs---I will, but prefer not
So he sits and peels and swishes
all the while
scrutinized closely
by intrigued cats who wonder if this is a new game
(he quickly informed them it wasn't)



My guy settled in with his buddy, his head phones so I can grade papers without noise,
and a basket full of folded clothes
(another task that I don't favor--
I like doing laundry and don't mind hanging clothes and putting them away--
just not folding)
This will be the scene this weekend
once again
when
he's here

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

More of Dillon and a birthday


 Actually Scruffy was happier than she looks here.  She would often seek Dillon out and lie next to him.
If I sit in my recliner, Scruffy immediately joins me.  This time we had company.

 Dillon didn't stay long on my lap, bouncing down to get into something else.  This was Sunday morning and I was still showing signs of exhaustion, but was happy and no excess pain--just tired.  I could not have kept Dillon overnight if I was by myself--my patience level decreases with less rest as does my energy level.  I've had to say no to babysitting too many times because of being worn out after teaching all week. 

Now that Mike is here, we have been able to keep them more which has been nice all way round.

The next picture Mike took on my birthday last year.  I have several of me in this setting, but I like the more serious pose best.   What are my eyes saying?

 Here's one taken the same night.  I'm leaning on the shoulder of the love of my life: my hubby Mike.  It's not the best picture of him, but I like the pose and the "we belong here" look in our faces.
So why the pictures?  Well, it's my birthday again.  I am 57 now.  After you have a cancer scare which I did at age 25, you tend not to hide your age, because each birthday is truly seen as a gift.

I am home from school today--Snow! Praise God!  This was a great birthday gift although I sincerely doubt that Mother Nature arranged it for me! :)  I hope to catch up on a lot of school work, bills, etc. and also sneak a nap in.  They didn't cancel school until I had been up for quite awhile, having awakened early despite knowing it was a two-hour delay morning (we got that call last night).


When I taught at a junior high in Cincinnati, one year we had secret pals.  One of the times we were to remember was the person's birthday.  I received a cute little book entitled Happy Birthday! 

 I got the book out today and am going to share some thoughts and sayings from it.


"To avoid old age, keep taking on new thoughts and throwing off old habits."  American Proverb

"Life is change. Growth is optional.  Choose wisely."   Karen Kaiser Clark


"We all grow old.  It's up to each of us individually to grow better and deeper."  anonymous


"The small moment is the carrier of God's most endearing gift.  It must not be permitted to slip away unsavored and unappreciated."  Gerhard E. Frost

"Would I wish to be young again?  No, for I've learned too much to wish to lose it."  Pearl S. Buck


"As long as love flourishes in the center of your heart, you are young.
So, long as you radiate beauty, hope, cheer, and courage to your fellowmen, so long you are young."
                          John Greenleaf Whittier

(I've been surprised to see how many of his quotes pop up in inspirational books.  Before this year in American literature, I barely knew Whittier had existed.  I mean, the name would ring a bell in my head telling me "this was a famous writer," but I didn't appreciate him until I taught about him.  I didn't realize he was an abolitionist either.)

Last quote (I hope to be this lady someday)----
                "She wore age so gracefully, so carelessly,
           that there was a sacred beauty about her faded cheek
          more lovely and lovable than all the bloom of her youth.
                              Happy  woman!
                 Who was not afraid of growing old."
                       Dinah Maria Mulock Crair

Hope you have a happy day!  I'm planning to!  Oh--on more note: I received lovely earrings in the mail
yesterday from my daughter and family in Texas.  Beautiful and different.  I am thrilled--I really like
jewelry--it doesn't have to be expensive---just a little different than the norm. :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Belated Psalms, Dillon's visit, and Monday's prayer


Exhausting week with parent/teacher conferences coming right after our arrival home from some days in Cinci.  Then we had Dillon for Sat. and some of Sunday.  Grandpa Mike took care of him on Sat. while I slept, trying to catch up on lost sleep.  I didn't get my Psalms in and am just now posting my Monday prayer when I need to be getting ready for school.
Here's some highlights of a weekend with Dillon.  The Psalms and prayer will follow.



Upon You have I leaned and relied from birth ; You are He Who took me from my mother's womb and You have been my benefactor from that day.  My praise is continually of You.
O God, You have taught me from my youth, and hitherto have I declared Your wondrous works.
Yes, even when I am old and gray-headed, O God, forsake me not, [but keep me alive] until I have declared Your mighty strength and power to all that are to come.
My lips shall shout for joy when I sing praises to You, and my inner being, which You have redeemed.
My tongue also shall talk of Your righteousness all the day long; for they are put to shame, for they confounded, who seek and demand my hurt.
Psalm 71: 6, 17, 18, 23, and 24



 Lord, I know that Your call upon my life includes being a servant, obeying Your commandments,
and always growing as a worshiper.
 Help me to do all of these things according to Your will.
Show me where I am failing to do them as fully as You would like.
I know I have been called out of darkness to proclaim Your praises.
So I proclaim them this day and say all praise be to You, O lord of heaven and earth.
Amen.

from a Stormy Omartain prayer book.

Friday, February 4, 2011

job description


children hurting
parents worrying

words shooting slugs
penetrating heart
already wounded

hostility masking  fear
inside crouching

clothes carrying sign:
"poverty resides here"

bits of 'steel'
piercing faces
daring all
to view them ugly
to join consensus
deeming them unacceptable

i wince behind
the face
not on it
of utmost importance
this lack of reaction

unnerve them
with complements
about jewelry
exhibiting no disapproval
for its location

tips them off-balance
solid door cracks open
allowing  glimpse
of beauty
hidden
in recesses of defiance

creates cautious interest
a cool teacher?
a caring teacher?
a trustworthy adult?
hope flashes in wary eyes
quickly stashed away

but calmer hostility
replaces the hope
and that is hope
in different form
hope nonetheless



domestice abuse
neglect
burden of survival

when i reenrolled in college
to be an english teacher

someone neglected
to inform me
of the real job description:
nurse, mother, counselor
disciplinarian, consumer,
morale booster,
morals instructor,
referee

i just thought i'd teach
literature and writing

silly me

instead i find
i need to be
God's grace in motion

figuratively held a parent's  hand tonight
grasped startling information

eyes will be sharper tomorrow
and the days to come
as i strive to help her daughter
as best and legally possible
in my role
as
teacher

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord,
forasmuch  as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."   I  Corinthians 15:58


on another topic: tomorrow marks the first anniversary of lexie's death. please keep us all in prayer.