Wednesday, December 8, 2010

i miss them

 he could fall asleep 'at the drop of a hat'
one minute with us
next minute
head back
jet fighter sounds

i'm like him
that way
i have to pull over sometimes
to take a 10 minute nap
so i don't
 run off the road

 he often had to do that

some days
i lock my door after school
get my square pillow for my feet
the little one for my head
my lap blanket
2 chairs
(one for torso/one for elevated feet)
i'm asleep

must not be any jet sounds erupting
the custodian would mercilessly tease me
if there were

then i'm up
 ready to finish
organizing for the next day
 drive home

just like him

 he loved gifts
we loved giving them to him

much more fun
watching him open his
than us opening ours

he didn't have much as a child
christmas gifts were sparce

mama always got him a special gift
fooling him into thinking
there wasn't one

they each tried to make up
for what had lacked
in their childhood lives

some don't see it that way
but i do

christmas is tough
for me
while it's joyful

i have wonderful:
children and their spouses
brothers and families
sisters-in-law and families

i have a home

but i miss them
dad and mom

i put up her tree
again this year

he was thrilled the first year i did

he didn't decorate
after she died
that part of christmas
went with her

but he enjoyed
our decorations
especially 'her' tree

he found joy in those around him 
he never stopped missing her

just like i never stop
missing them

(no pictures of mom)

as i read folks' blogs
thoughts of christmas
the meaning
one thought centers tonight
i miss them

my next task --
putting out all the angels
she bought me
over the years
beginning with the december
my daughter was born

she made dad promise
to keep the tradition
he always signed the card
"Love from mother and dad"

he must have made my husband promise
because i still receive one
every christmas

i cherish them all

they make me
miss them---
mom and dad

yet where would i be
without those cherished memories?

i could have been
a "throw-away" child
like the one boy taken to the hospital last week
from my school
no one wanting him

memories can hurt
i can't imagine
not having had the love
that made the memories

yes, i miss my parents tonight
as tears roll down my cheeks
i'm grateful they were precious
to me
so that i have
to miss them

a glimpse of mama's tree and two of the ornament angels


  1. This is so precious. We are so very blessed to still have my Dad (90) and Mom (87) still with us. I cannot imagine life without them and cherish every moment we have together.
    I am so thankful you have such special memories.

  2. Among everything else what jumps at me is the "sleep" for just a few minutes. I can't do that... never have. A cat nap is a killer for me... I either get to sleep for a couple hours or I'd better just pour more caffeine into my system and keep moving on. Sometimes I wish I could be a "you".

    Glad you have such a sweet heart towards your dad, even tho you miss him so much.

  3. This is such a sweet remembrance of your parents, God bless them for what they gave you :)

  4. I miss mine, too ... and am filled with gratitude for the memories. My heart goes out to that dear boy and all those he represents.

  5. Oh Beth... I SO feel your pain and heartache... Yet there is a JOY in our memories. Great pictures of your sweet Daddy.. You are lucky to have his trait of being able to get 'power naps'.... My mother used to take a 5-10 minute nap late in the afternoon--but I have never been able to do that. SO--I envy you for that.

    I miss my parents also--and at Christmastime, the memories are there BIGTIME.... Thanks for a great post.

  6. And now the tears are rolling down my cheeks, as I read this... especially the part about the cards.

  7. oh beth... i want to hug your dad, he seems so lovable. what a beautiful portrait of your parents. you've made me miss them too, even though i never knew them. love to you. (btw, this is the last imperfect prose until the new year. merry christmas!)

  8. What a precious tribute. Your words remind me of my grandparents who I miss terribly sometimes. Memories will have to tie us over until we see them again. What a glorious day that will be. Blessings to you this Christmas season.

  9. such a beautiful tribute to your parents and christmas memories.

  10. What a wonderfully sweet tribute to your parents -- it's so wonderful that you have such good memories of them. Like Emily mentioned, your dad looks so lovable!


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