Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Corner View:this is horrible--truly

Mostly light-hearted horrible events so far on corner view, although at the time the potato and melted plastic in Nadine's microwave was what she least needed or wanted.  And I'm sure Francesca is a bit discouraged at being on 3rd try with her knitting project.  She has much more patience than I in that area.

I tried to go light-hearted, but can't.

My son became officially divorced yesterday after a year and a half of lawyers going back and forth.  He can truly begin this new chapter of his life now.  But oh the price. 

I have been there.  The actual day I still vividly remember.  My husband tried to do all the right things to make the ending of our marriage easier to take: he picked me up, took me to breakfast before court and then back to my 'new' home.  He was attentive and caring.

 I sit here and think, "What was his point?  To soothe his concience?"  When in the end, I became unglued and started sobbing, he lost patience.  He'd done all he could to make it easier.  But how do you make the ending of a twenty-year marriage easy?  You don't.  Twenty years were ended in less than fifteen minutes in court.  We had a dissolutionment not a divorce.  I knew better than to fight him in court.

My son did not want to go the court route, but his wife would not compromise and no part of these past months has even appeared easy.

He didn't want this, but it takes two to make marriage counseling work and a body sitting beside you does not mean anything unless that body is thinking, talking, working towards repair of the marriage.  He was there in spirit, mind, and body. She was there in body only.  I remember when it hit him that she didn't want to save the marriage.  It was horrible.  It always is.

He has much love and support around him as do his three children.  We will weather this together.
But oh how truly horrible that divorce has once again visited my son.  He was15 when he witnessed his parents' split.   He is 34 as he witnesses his wife's and his. His children are 5, 7, and 9.

This was the night reality truly sunk in.
The kids were leaving with their mother for the annual summer vacation
in Nagshead---this time without their dad.
It was June 2011.

He managed some light-hearted moments with them.

They didn't see his tears out in the drive-way as he stood with me hugging him,
just as my dad hugged me many times in the tumultous couple of years after my divorce.

Life goes on and many wonderful moments occur once again.
I realized that the experience could make me or break me.
I resolved that it would make me.
It did.

It's 'making' my son stronger, better.
It is not and will not break him.

For more corner views, please check out Francesca's Fuoriborgo.


  1. Yes, this truly is horrible. I'm sorry this has visited your family twice - and that you've had to see your son go through this. I know from what you've written about him in other posts that he's a great Dad. His kids are blessed that he'll be there for them.

  2. Sending hugs to you and your son. He is lucky to have your support and love at this hard time. And, as you stated, now he can start the next chapter of his life. He is no longer in limbo. xoxo

  3. It's really a horrible thing and especially sad. These are hard times to pass. Good luck to him.

  4. I didn't want a thing from my ex-husband. He could be mean. I left the house and took some junk from him.

    I sat at my work desk for weeks upon weeks doing nothing but staring at my desk. My boss finally came by and wondered if i needed help as he thought i was abusing drugs. I told him no, that i was going through a divorce...he nodded, turned around and left. I started doing my work after that.

    I hope for many wonderful moments for your son.

  5. I agree that this is horrible! Does she not realize what she is doing to her children. I guess no one ever does. It seems all rather silly to me because honestly do they think it is ever going to get better with someone else. However, I am sure I am being a little nieve on the matter. I hope your sons heart heals and he will continue to be a good father to his children.

  6. the breaking up of a marriage and of a family must be truly horrible. he has seen from you that something good can come out of it, though - sending warm thoughts and hugs.

  7. beth, this is so big hearted of you, to write such a vulnerable post. i can imagine what feelings a repetition of facts triggers. and i can also imagine what strength you are able to give to your son and the off spring.
    life is just never ever how one wants it, but really just the way it is, and we try to make the very best of it, and luckily we can.
    of course he'll get there. this is a learning curve.
    good luck to you all!

  8. Been there, done that. My first marriage was 15 years, most of which were pretty difficult, to say the least. And now a huge blessing to marry my dear husband 27 years ago [Sept. 21]. I've never, and probably could never, have had such a lovely marriage. I ain't perfect, and he loves me. How cool is that?

    God is so kind.


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